To Whom It May Concern, Discern or Inconvenience,
I write as I live, and in keeping with that I write as I am. This must of course follow the ideal of who I am, not what I am; for I am nothing. Do not consider this to be some sort of attention-seeking note wrapped in hyperbolic melancholy. I am nothing because what I am is beyond my understanding, and that of others. I know this because what you are in the eyes of others depends entirely upon what you think you are. Therefore, if I know not what I am, how can I expect anyone else to know? I don’t, and I learned a long time ago that it is pointless to expect it; even if you do know what you are, the perspective of others will serve either to disappoint you or make you so sure of yourself that you stop trying to excel in whatever it is you do and whatever it is that you are, leaving nothing.
That is what I am. I told you that this wasn’t an attention-seeking note, and I will hold to that promise, ironically, until you finish reading this, and I die in your memory as I fade into obscurity. I am not depressed, or at least that is not the purpose of my writing this…whatever it is. I am glad that I don’t know what I am and, even if the rest of my life turns to shit around me, I will remain happy in that respect. Why? This may be a question you are asking, it may not; you may have already stopped reading this and moved onto the next distraction in your life. Even so, I will answer the question, even if it serves only as my own distraction.
I am happy with the mystery of my being because it means that I cannot fail at my defined purpose, for I have none. I will try my best to be whatever I wish to be, but it will not be pre determined as a means of  being used as emotional blackmail against me, even if I use it against myself as I knock my head against the wall trying to make sense of what is going on around me. Such questions may only be faced when one is forced to assess one’s existence and its worth, possibly when staring down the barrel of a gun or staring into oblivion whilst hurtling from 50,000 feet in the air. It is also in instances such as these that religion is questioned. This is not a concern for me, as I neither harbour nor pursue any religious guidance.
There are two reasons for this; the first reason is that I am unsatisfied with the notion that my life is merely a test, the results of which determine my eternal after life. The pretence of an afterlife in itself is a concept that eludes me to this day. After all, can any salvation be paradise for eternity, for beings relentlessly craving more? Can we survive eternity without succumbing to what we have come to understand as original sin?  
These questions and more bring me to query as to the nature of any perfect afterlife, and whether it can be perfect at all. I hesitate to ascertain the nature of any manner of hell that we, the sinners, must endure in the stead of our misconceptions of leading a sinless life. In fact, one would assume that, in order to gain a perfect afterlife, one would have to live a perfect life. Is such an endeavour probable, or even possible?
I digress. I said that there were two reasons that I have no religious beliefs, save for the belief that I have none. The second is that, is there is a God, we do not and cannot attempt to comprehend his methods or ways.  We can’t, for we risk questioning our faith and titillate the omnipresent phobia of finally proving it wrong. Ergo, are we imprisoned by faith? Am I free from the bounds of hope, or do I drift aimlessly through land and age, blind to a vital sign or script, deaf to an intervening secret that may or may not save me. Is the secret in fact whether or not it will truly save me? Well, in any reality I am blissful in my own convictions, and the comfort therein that some may perceive as ignorance, or even fear. I would begrudge such an opinion, merely accept it, and then disregard it. Is this unfair? Possibly, but then I would in fact be rendered unworthy of my own opinion, which is most uncouth.
I speak a lot about perfection rivalling uncertainties as you may have noticed, or maybe it’s just coming to fruition as you read this sentence, I can’t be sure. What you can be sure of is that this is an attempt at proposing a social stereotype and then breaking it down. This stereotype has been brewing for centuries, intricately woven into the fabric of our lives when the developed world was simply a pile of threads that was growing ever more entangled across Asia, Europe and the Americas. This was an ideal, one that we have clung onto and gripped so tightly that we are like infants with a blanket that is slowly but surely smothering us.
This ideal is as follows; absolutism. Whilst this word may in the modern world have connotations of tyranny and dictatorships, I will refer to it as merely the pursuit of absolutes and determined paths. Let me explain. Have you ever walked into a lecture, seminar, or even a harmless conversation about global warming? Have you ever stopped and listened to someone fully explained the dangers of our current lifestyles with regards to the health of the planet and the stability of the climate? The chances are that you have, but if you haven’t, don’t worry, you haven’t missed out on much that you don’t already know.
My point is, the chances are you’ve heard the talks, you’ve watched the speakers, you’ve read the books, and been filled with a spontaneous sense of obligation to save your planet. But then, and stop me if I go wrong here, you’ve stood up, you’ve walked outside, you’ve looked around you, and you’ve seen nothing. By nothing, I mean nothing to continue this inspiration that has just been instilled in you. It’s not your fault; you’ve been told that the worlds going to be destroyed and you’ve looked around and realised that everything seems ok, that there isn’t any current danger. It’s almost like someone’s lit the fuse, but the serene April rainfall, or the spill from your evening drink, or the saliva from your friend spewing gossip and good cheer, has doused the flame.
Sound familiar? If not, you’re a liar or you’re too ignorant to realise that you’re lying. Here’s why this happens every time you hear some drastic news or have some challenge ahead of you. Human beings generally don’t think in the long term or on a gradual trend, and that’s what I mean by absolutes. Everything has to be here and now before we actually get off our asses and do anything about it. Here’s another example: someone’s said that the glaciers are melting in Antarctica (I know I’m still on climate change but stick with me here) and you begin to think
“Oh my goodness, we need to be more environmentally friendly, we need to go green, we need to stop using cars and fossil fuels and washing machines and save the glaciers”.
Kudos on you for thinking that for 30 seconds after you’ve been told about it, but the chances are it won’t last. Why? Because there are still glaciers around; there are still ice sheets; there are still polar bears and penguins and snowmen outside. So then you start to think that everything will be ok for a while, and you go about your business like nothing’s happened. Don’t feel bad, we all do it, that is until we next hear something about the peril of the melting glaciers and start to feel guilty. But don’t worry, that won’t last long either. Just like that small fortune you were going to send to a charity in Ethiopia, or that bike you were going to cycle to work on instead of using your warm, comfortable car. Maybe you were going to sort out your recycling every week on a peaceful Saturday afternoon, when the kids were out playing and your partner was feeling uncharacteristically helpful and eco-friendly.
That’s another trap of the absolute ideal; consistency. We can all do something more if there’s nothing unexpected that’s going to fall into our laps, which usually happens more than we would like. But then, sometimes we like the diversions; we crave for more distractions, because we like to avoid any kind of responsibility before it is absolutely necessary. Still don’t believe me? Why is it that we can’t share resources evenly with other countries, or even within our own countries? Why are we constantly trying to gain majorities and advantages over other people? Why do we send a nation our food and medicine and end up leaving our bibles and Simpson’s DVDs behind? Why do we invade an entire country instead of just taking what we need? Why do we have prostitutes when we could take time to forge healthy relationships? Why do we have fast food when all it takes is time and effort to make our own lunch at home? Why do we have huge, lavish church based wedding ceremonies or no church at all? The answer to all of these questions and more is that we want everything instantaneously, and what we really need becomes a bare minimum. Sure, we would like to think we want to save the rainforest, but that would take time and effort, and there are people who can get it done much faster than we can. How about hat government that we usually blame for everything?
So, here’s what we’ve covered in the absolute ideal thus far; long term pursuits are for people with no other responsibilities; problems are dealt with the moment before they become irrepressible; we take everything in the short term and the small scale; and what do these ideals say about us as developed human beings? It says this, and simply this: We all want to stay in control of our own existence. So take solace in that idea, but when that last tiny glacier in Antarctica turns to water, and the last tree in the Amazon is chopped down, and the last healthy teenager in London turns to drugs, do me this one favour. Don’t complain, because believe it or not, this was not as out of your control as you thought it was. All it took was sacrificing the thing you hold dearest: time; time for yourself, time for your family, time for your friends, time for your own time. So let me ask you this….
What are you sure of?